Logan and I just got done blending a batch of roasted garlic and fresh basil hummus. We both dipped chips directly into the blender to taste test our creation. "What do you think?" I asked, "More garlic next time?"
"No mommy," He responded, "This is just right."
Friday, March 23, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
i (CAN) for (CER)tain
So it has been six months to the day. Of what you ask? Well it is kind of hard to say. I wish it was something wonderful like I am six months pregnant with another baby or six months until I get am going on a fabulous vacation. Six months ago today a Doctor told me I have cancer.
I have had a rash on my skin for the last oh eight years. I went to the family doctor and at first he said it was a fungus, then eczema. I used creams but it always came back with a vengeance. I left it alone for a long time. Mark (the love of my life) told me at least once a week I needed to have it looked at by a dermatologist. I always say said, "yeah, yeah, I'll do it some time," and I never did. The wait time to get into a doctor in Dallas can be very long, so I just never bothered.
We moved to Montana. On a whim I called the Dermatologist and got in the next week. He took a look at my skin and said, "I don't think that is eczema," and took a biopsy. I called Mark and told his what the doctor said. His reaction? "It's not cancer is it?" Of course not babe. No one has a rash for 8 years and it turns out to be cancer.
I went back week later and that is exactly what it turned out to be. I knew from the look on the doctor's face and by the way he touched my arm in a comforting way that something was wrong. Lymphoma? I know I have heard that word before. My mind was fuzzy. What does it mean?
T-cell Lymphoma- a cancer of the skin that manifests itself on the skin. Incurable, only manageable.
What? Cancer? Isn't that for old or unhealthy people? What incurable cancer? But I am only 28. I can't have cancer. I work out an hour every day. I don't smoke or drink, heck I grind my own wheat and make my food from scratch. I won't touch soda or high fructose corn syrup. I have always considered myself a healthy person. I really can't have cancer, right? Right? RIGHT?!?!
It’s not as bad as it sounds. I don’t plan on dying any time soon. This from of Lymphoma is a non-Hodgkin’s and very no aggressive. I have been doing steroid therapy and you can hardly tell where it used to be.
I can count the people outside my family that I have told on six fingers, four of which are first cousins. That is excluding my announcing it in fast and testimony meeting in a ward (in the sermon part of church) we had only been in two weeks (that was not my fault and I don’t count it cause we were so new everyone promptly forgot).
So why haven’t I told anyone? I don't know. It is not because I don’t love them, because I do. I have friends in Texas that I haven’t really contacted since we left cause I don’t have the heart to tell them, but feel dishonest saying we are doing well (even though we are doing awesome!) because they don’t know. It is so strange. I don’t want people to worry. So I guess this is my way of telling all the people I love without having to use the words. It has been six months.
Live life with no regrets, you don’t know how long it will be.
I wrote this with the intention of posting to facebook, but somehow I don't think I will be able to.
I have had a rash on my skin for the last oh eight years. I went to the family doctor and at first he said it was a fungus, then eczema. I used creams but it always came back with a vengeance. I left it alone for a long time. Mark (the love of my life) told me at least once a week I needed to have it looked at by a dermatologist. I always say said, "yeah, yeah, I'll do it some time," and I never did. The wait time to get into a doctor in Dallas can be very long, so I just never bothered.
We moved to Montana. On a whim I called the Dermatologist and got in the next week. He took a look at my skin and said, "I don't think that is eczema," and took a biopsy. I called Mark and told his what the doctor said. His reaction? "It's not cancer is it?" Of course not babe. No one has a rash for 8 years and it turns out to be cancer.
I went back week later and that is exactly what it turned out to be. I knew from the look on the doctor's face and by the way he touched my arm in a comforting way that something was wrong. Lymphoma? I know I have heard that word before. My mind was fuzzy. What does it mean?
T-cell Lymphoma- a cancer of the skin that manifests itself on the skin. Incurable, only manageable.
What? Cancer? Isn't that for old or unhealthy people? What incurable cancer? But I am only 28. I can't have cancer. I work out an hour every day. I don't smoke or drink, heck I grind my own wheat and make my food from scratch. I won't touch soda or high fructose corn syrup. I have always considered myself a healthy person. I really can't have cancer, right? Right? RIGHT?!?!
It’s not as bad as it sounds. I don’t plan on dying any time soon. This from of Lymphoma is a non-Hodgkin’s and very no aggressive. I have been doing steroid therapy and you can hardly tell where it used to be.
I can count the people outside my family that I have told on six fingers, four of which are first cousins. That is excluding my announcing it in fast and testimony meeting in a ward (in the sermon part of church) we had only been in two weeks (that was not my fault and I don’t count it cause we were so new everyone promptly forgot).
So why haven’t I told anyone? I don't know. It is not because I don’t love them, because I do. I have friends in Texas that I haven’t really contacted since we left cause I don’t have the heart to tell them, but feel dishonest saying we are doing well (even though we are doing awesome!) because they don’t know. It is so strange. I don’t want people to worry. So I guess this is my way of telling all the people I love without having to use the words. It has been six months.
Live life with no regrets, you don’t know how long it will be.
I wrote this with the intention of posting to facebook, but somehow I don't think I will be able to.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)